Forgive me for half a second, I just need to vent.

A few weeks ago, I got a letter (yes, right? a LETTER) in the mail stating I have carcinoma on my thigh. I must have read the line about six or eight times before it actually clicked. Carcinoma. Confirmed. Fucking scary. Enclosed in the envelope was a prescription for a chemotherapy cream with the instruction: “Apply daily to cancer area on thigh.” Uhhhh, okay? Let me try to not shit my pants right here, first… and then how much? A big glob? A little doot? Do I cover just the little spot or the whole thigh? I still had stitches from the excision, was I supposed to start it now or should I wait until it healed?

And why the hell did I find this out via a letter? “Apply daily to cancer area on thigh.” Fuck – imagine standing on the driveway reading those words, alone. That’s one hell of a mind fuck. Shouldn’t someone have called me for this? How do people usually respond in this situation? Is this common practice?

I’m baffled by the handling. Even if now I know “it’s very treatable,” no explanations leads someone like me (Curious George) to the internet. And the internet is… scary. I read all about the different skin cancers, the one I have, statistics, treatments… The treatment I was given, 5-FU (lol okay, the acronym cracks me up! FU!), scared the absolute shit out of me. If you want to have nightmares, go read about it and look at the photos. F. Me. Sideways.

Anyway, I drove over to the office the next day and made them answer all my questions. I called out the doc for the impersonal handling. I got the stitches out 4 days early – and even watched! (I usually pass out getting a Flu shot, so this is a big deal for me!) I got answers for how to apply the cream and started it the next morning.

I’m five weeks into treatment as of this Saturday. I have one more week to go until I’m finished. I’m ready to be done with all of it. What a thing to carry. Fuck cancer.